I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
