Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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