i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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