Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
