my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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