If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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