How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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