as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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