Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
