Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
