i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
