Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just threw up on my dentist
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
