As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hippo gnu deer
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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