you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
