Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dignity is for republicans.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
