The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
