don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
