Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
