she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
