you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
