Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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