I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
