Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
