It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
