I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I came so hard my ears popped.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
