I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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