Jerry, you need to find god
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
