its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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