If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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