Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
