my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
