Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
