I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Text me some of your sweat
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize