do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
