gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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