I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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