Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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