I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
