Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
