Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
