The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pants are for mortals
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
