I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
