I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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