We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize