i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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