I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
