Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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