I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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