Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
