u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
