omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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