last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
