Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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