Your dad touched me again.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
