I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
