it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
