I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
