Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize