my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she smelled like a LAN party
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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