Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
