The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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