So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
