No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
