dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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