god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
