Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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