just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
