FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm passing your future prison.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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