Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
