So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
