I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
