Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
