why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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