btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
