I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
