I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Still dying that you shit outside
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
