I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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