i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
