i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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