Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
