i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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