Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
