Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
