i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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