we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
