its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
