yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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