I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
