I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
