I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
