So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
