When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
