Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
