Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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