I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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