Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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