did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize