Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A bitchslap is in order.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
