just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
