Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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