new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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