can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
